Here is an interpersonal conflict that is happening to Mary, a 3rd year NUS undergraduate at this point of our semester.
Mary and her coursemate Jane have been taking several core modules together all this while. They and other coursemates started out as mere acquaintances and gradually became friends in classes. The tutorials for these modules happen to share a same teaching assistant by the name John. Coincidently, John and Jane have been in a relationship since 1st year.
It wasn’t until this semester that Mary could finally get a chance to work closely with Jane on assignments in the same tutorial group. Unfortunately, it is also a chance for Mary to learn about some of Jane’s bad personalities: she likes badmouthing other coursemates and spreading rumours while pretending to be friendly to everyone. For example, Jane would say how gay or dirty-minded certain guys in class are, how kiasu and eccentric certain classmates are. Even Mary is not spared from the badmouthing, which is something she only realised when revealed by other coursemates.
Mary feels so disgusted and upset about Jane’s two-faced personality after treating her like a friend all this while, that she feels like giving her a good tight slap in class. She even cried over the phone when she was sharing her feelings with another friend.
To rub salt into wound, John has been unprofessional in his teaching profession by sharing confidential academic information such as classmates’ assignment grades with Jane. With sensitive matters of grades at Jane’s disposal, the gossiping and badmouthing are straining the relationship between Jane and her classmates. Some classmates could no longer tolerate such insensitive gossiping that they even contemplate filing a complaint with the Dean’s Office about John’s unprofessional conduct.
After analysing the situation, I realise the main problems are Jane’s insensitive personalities and John’s failure to maintain confidentiality and integrity as a teaching staff in the premise of his relationship with Jane. It is in the interest of Mary and other affected classmates to achieve a resolution to this conflict so as not to hamper their studies and relationships.
Here is my question: How could Mary and other affected classmates approach this conflict in a systematic and controllable manner and come to an effective solution without straining the relationship between John and Jane as well as between Jane and the classmates?
Hi Wellens,
ReplyDeleteSeems like a complicated situation to me. Given that John has already 'betrayed' the school's trust in him by leaking confidential information to Jane, is it even possible for him to hang on to his job should Mary and the other students choose to resolve this conflict? Any complaints would lead to investigations which would most likely lead to John's firing and subsequently anger from Jane at the rest of the class.
Yet, to maintain their silence would only cause them harm. It seems that the only way would be to just steel their hearts and simply report John in. Jane doesn't seem to want to be part of the class anyway, would be considered 'bad' to cut her off from the class completely?
We need to differentiate right from wrong here, and reporting John in is the right choice to make here, regardless of the consequences, for what John has done can be considered a breach of trust and thus, illegal.
Hope that answers the question Wellens, and cheers!
Hello Wellens, I think Mary and the other affected classmates could talk to John and Jane about their issues; John's unprofessional conduct and Jane's bad attitude, after one of the classes.
ReplyDeleteThis is to let John and Jane be aware that what they are doing is not right, as it has been affecting Mary and the other classmates. In this open discussion, they will realise that being honest and open towards each other would be more effective in solving this conflict than to keep it to themselves.
If John and Jane remained the same after the discussion, Mary could then file a complaint about John's unprofessional conduct as it is wrong.
At least, they have discussed about these issues before, letting John know that it was wrong.
Hi Wellens,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the interesting post! If I were any of the affected classmates, I would have reported John to the Dean's Office without second thoughts.
Knowing John's lack of integrity and Jane's insensitivity, it would not have made much sense for them to tell him their feelings, for he could then tell Jane, and she might advise him to lower their grades. That would do even more harm to their grades than if they had reported him in the first place.
Jane's relationship with the classmates is already strained, so I don't see a way of reaching "an effective solution without straining the relationship... between Jane and the classmates". As Jake mentioned above, they might as well cut her off completely, in the social sense, that is.
As for the relationship between John and Jane, I don't think the students should be concerned about that at all in an academic setting.
Cheers,
Jinq Horng
Thank you, Wellens, for this interesting scenario. You describe it quite clearly and concisely, and you do so using the so=called "historical present" verb tense. Please ask me to look at this in class and to discuss it. You do a very fine job of story-telling using the tense, but there may be one or two instance where your use is inconsistent.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with Jake and Jonq Horng; if I were a student, I would have reported John. This is not just about poor communication but about unethical (and illegal) behavior. Since that is the case, you might have kept the focus on Mary and Jane's relationship, which still might have been salvageable. Even then, however, it sounds as if Jane is really not the sort of "friend" Mary would want to keep. What do you think?
A few language issues I should mention:
a) personalities >>> personality traits, or characteristics
b) as a teaching staff >>> as a teaching staff member
Thanks again for your effort!
Thanks alot for the comments so far.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I did not intend to deliberately use "historical present" tense; rather, most of my narrative is reporting from the time frame of the current semester. I'm interested to know what the inconsistencies are specifically.
I do think the same after giving some thoughts to the comments received. Talking to John and Jane about the issue alone would not be wise as the nature of this conflict is very personal. After all, reporting John in might be the only way to cater to the benefit of all even if everyone has to face the bitter reality. Perhaps it is also about time Mary reevaluated her friendship with Mary after this episode.